Ladun


"Ah you this woman your stupidity knows no bound, I wonder how you were able to get a degree from the University...anyway it figures"


"What have I done now?"

"You are a fool". "Is it me you are talking to like that?" "Can you talk to that retard you call your brother like that"

"I am sorry" Ladun turns to walk away


"Come back here stupid dog I have not finished talking"

She turns towards him.

"Asewo (he continued), what do you call this?" Pointing to the food on the table

"It's jollof rice, fresh fish and dodo just as you like it"

"So because I like it I have to eat it morning evening and night"

Ladun made a mental note of the last time she cooked jollof rice - 4 days ago.

Leke gets up and asks "Daddy if you are not hungry I can eat the food" with a hint of defiance. He hated it when Dad gets like that.

"My boy don't worry I will eat it" said Demola turning to Leke while waving dismissly at her.

"So my boy was school today Son?", he continued

Saved by Leke's interruption Ladun slips away as Demola resumes to eat the food in front of him with relish.

Back in her bedroom Ladun reflects on the living room incident, feeling blank his voice echoed in her head Asewo, Stupid, Fool those were his current favourites. There were others Dog, Dumb, Retard, Bitch, A** H***, Slut, Good for nothing, Mad, Witch whatever suited his ego.

At least today was not a public display. The last time he had called her a "f******g Retard"right in front of the waiteress who was taking her order just because she asked for clarity on a menu item. The waitress turned bright red and quickly made an excuse to exit obviously embarrassed for her.

The 1st episode was after honeymoon when he shouted at her raining curses because she turned the fridge off and caused the flat to be smelling from rotten food. She felt deserving for wasting money he spent on the food. Nevertheless she was visibly shaken by the obscenities that came from his mouth the least of which was a moron. Things snowballed after that.

In as much as she tried to talk to him, he found a way to make her feel deserving of the abuse and their was always a big argument where she ended up with even more name calling.

Her mother in law claims she is too soft and should not take it to heart. Her own mother says the matrimonial home is a place of learning and boasts how she has stayed in her matromial home for 36yrs with her father.

So she keeps stomaching it, 9 years of constant degradation, belittling had left her an emotional wreck. She reached out for her medication.

She could not leave her marriage. As much as she hated what he was doing to her, she could not just think of life any other way, this was all she knew.
Of course there was her parent factors, their friends, the kids, what will she give as her excuse.

In all fairness he never laid his hand on her although she desperately hoped he would, it would be much easier.

Thinking out loud she said "I know he loves me and only wants what is best for me". It was common knowledge that while Demola was sharp, quick and very intelligent, Ladun admits that she on the other hand can be a bit sluggish. She sighed and resolved for the hundredth time to try even harder.

Demola the epitome of husband and father. When he is not abusing her he is sweet to all asundry, to the world he is the perfect example of a good husband and father. Just recently at a ladies lunch they had last month, Ivy had insisted that Debo (Ranti's husband) should take a leaf from Demola on how to be a responsible husband. Ranti's husband was a notorius wife beater, everyone sympathised as they saw the bruises Debo inflicted on Ranti and were all in unison that she should leave Debo.

Ladun had screamed at her friends "Help he is killing me", "I have wounds too","I am dying slowly" but no one heard because her lips refused to move. They kept chattering away oblivious of her inner turmoil. Ivy repeatedly insisted Debo should go and learn from Demola who was a role model. Holding on tightly to her Latte cup was all Ladun could do to keep from pouncing on Ivy and strangling the life out of her because every mention of her husband's name was making her shakes worse.

The shakes, they were really getting worse by the day

At that instance she heard Demola bellow out her name "Ladddduuuun, where is this Retard of a woman?" she jolted back to reality almost jumping out of her skin. Heart beating loudly, she said a little prayer and crept slowly to the living room to answer her darling husband.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction but is daily reality for some women.

Abuse takes different forms, the scars are similar.

48 comments:

Zahratique said...

Thank you for raising awareness about violence against women - Nov 25th - International Day for the elimination of violence against women.

Lighty said...

its so amazing how things like these still go on in homes. how some1 so sweet in a relationship can turn sour in marriage. God help us.

Olamild said...

hmmmmmmmmm May God help us

Bold and Beautiful said...

Its so real...u cant even begin to imagine how rampant it is.
May god never send us into the hands of such men.

Nyemoni said...

Aww..how terrible...Nice write up though! May our deliverer deliver us....I so love the song you have playing...So in love abi? Sweet!
I saw your tag girl..I'll try to get off my lazy overworked bum and do it! ;-)Thanks for checkin up on me!

Pix gremlin said...

I actually know of some women who stay close to the husbands/partners despite the crap that they have to go through.. I hope that this piece gets through to those that read it and going through the same scenarios..

30+ said...

@All, Thanks

Women please raise your voice.

Olamild said...

WE RAIZE OUR VOICES

darkelcee said...

This is really TRAUMATIC. Don't ever pray it for my enemy not to talk of me or a friend.

I raise my voice with other women and we say NO to abuse (of whatever form!)

Pink-satin said...

hmnnnnnnnnnnnn i am speechless!!i am sad for what some women go thru

Oracle said...

Women abuse everywhere, may God help us.

It read so smoothly, it was hard to believe that it is fiction.
Nice work 30+

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

My sister, I am so fed up of how women are treated?
What is it about the woman that prevents the man from seeing her as an extension of himself?
We are raped, degraded, beaten, placed in servitude, subjected to all sorts of inhumane practices and yet they say we are hard to please. I don't understand...

Ladun has to leave because one day, the words will come from the fist

Jaybabe said...

And everytime smth like that happens, we keep saying, ''he'll change, he'll be fine''...i don't even wanna remember the day, in fact it was the night my mum was hospitalised bcoz her husband(somebody i'm supposed to call my father) wanted to take her life away..it was a fateful night...well, it happens everyday. Thanx for remembering this day.

fluffycutething said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I hear some women abuse their spouses though

Anonymous said...

My ex shoved me like twice while we were dating, he said it was because i threatened to beat him!!!

Or better still was being confrontational by standing in his way during the course of an argument....

we eventually broke up!!

Believer said...

Thanks for raising your voice. I just pray that people who find themselves in such situations will find the courage to raise their's. Have a wonderful week.

Zephi said...

gosh I dont know which is waorse..emotional or physical...Whoever formulated "sticks and stones can break my bones but words cant harm me" lied big time

Nice one 30

Ladi said...

Hello there 30+
I read the couple of comments you made on my blog.
I have to admit, i had to google, "Bhutan" to remind myself where it is. And I was thinking you were a Bhutanese but the post above with Ladun, Leke dodo and fried rice made me realize you are from obodo Naija

How on earth did you end up in Bhutan? There's an amazing story there I am sure.

Leave a note on my blog on how to contact you... I am very intrigued
Cheers
Ladi

30+ said...

@Darklcee, Amen

@Pink Satin, hhhmn indeed.

@Oracle, thanks

@Olamild, my voice is Raised

@Believer, Amen

@Catwalq, you and I know that most women like this hardly leave the man, as per your own post na.

@Jaybabe, and we all know they never change, mostly it gets worse.

@Anon1, yes it is true

@Anon2, glad you are out of that relationship, first it will be shoving, next it will be punching.

@Zephi, I think both types are deadly.

@Ladi, of course I am not in Bhutan, I am just taking the blog anonymous status to another level (lol)

@All, it is so heartbreaking.

Fo said...

25th novmbr...i knew there was somtin else special in novmbr apart from ma bday nd all the other stuffs on it!!!
been a while,hows u??
-.-

onydchic said...

Very depressing story. It's still quite hard to believe that women live with such. How does it get so bad? Why do we, as women, tend to put up with less than the best behaviour from guys?
Nce write up.
Can c u changed ur layout!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

This is soo important! Lord have mercy! Abuse is just horrible and needs to stop and we can do it one person at a time. Thanks or the enlightenment!

Isi said...

what ever happened to the letters D.I.V.O.R.C.E?!
it is with all joy and great relief that i shall pack my belongings and get out of his life. NEVER TO RETURN!
nice work 30+. more of this please!

Allied said...

Terrible, terrible, Terrible. Ladun is like Moth attracted to fire.. She is going to burn. Abuse men dont stop with Verbal.. it always leads to physical.

30+ said...

@Fo, sup I have been over your hood

@Onyiodchic, I think women take their nurturing keeper nature too far, believing for a change from d guy.

@Solomonsydelle, how you dey o

@Isi, it is because u are wholesome that u say that. Notice Ladun now believes she deserves it cos she is "a bit slow. Many will say she is not patient, afterall the guy is no beating her nor cheating.

@Allied, Exactly

Afrobabe said...

I can't imagine how any woman can endure all this and still love the fool...

Me with my big mouth would have been beaten by now because before he says Re..... I would have said..Godd for nothing bastard...yes kill me oh...

princesa said...

30+ dear, i am so ashamed am coming 28th on ur blog. No be my fault o! Na blogger no let me drop comment for her since 2 days now. I can only read and when i write a comment,"cannot find server" comes up.

I loved this post. Its kinda different from the usual(you know wharamean,lol!)

I feel for ladun, she sounds like a sweet soul but if i were in her shoes, i wont stand for any form of verbal abuse. She needs to take control of her life and leave that man. Perhaps then he will change his attitude if he really loves her or een better she'll find a man who will give her the love/respect she deserves.

Aijay said...

Abuse in any form is a no no.
I've heard some really horrific stories and I still don't understand why some people resort to that, I mean the abusers?
Can only pray to God to give the victims strength to move on.
Great Post!

Aijay said...

Abuse in any form is a no no.
I've heard some really horrific stories and I still don't understand why some people resort to that, I mean the abusers?
Can only pray to God to give the victims strength to move on.
Great Post!

30+ said...

@Afrobabe, true talk I don't trust myself either which side.

@Princessa, you are forgiven

@Aijay, inferiority complex and insecurity on the part of the man

KimPossible said...

Great post. I know this blog will touch some woman and help her to do what she needs to do for herself and her family.

It is always easy to say what we would do in that situation. I am grateful to God that I have a husband who loves God and loves me.

God, protect ALL of the women who are experiencing violence in their homes. Give them the strength and courage to fight back inwardly. Don't let them die before their time and help them to find peace in the midst of their storm.

I will DEF be back to your page. I love the feel of your blog.

Keep in touch and drop by my blog spot.

KimPossible

Queen of My Castle said...

What a touching post. Mental abuse is one of the worst kind, in my opinion, heck, ALL abuse is the worst kind.

30+ said...

@Kimpossible, thanks for dropping by

@QOC, mental abuse is deadly and it often leads to physcial abuse

Arewa said...

Damn this is deep... i know of a few friends who are experienciong such cruelty.....My heart goes out to all the women who are being subjected to this kind of treatment. This man has no shame!!

'Sewa said...

Hmm this worse than physical abuse...

Have a lovely weekend!!!

Kpakpando said...

This story is sad on so many levels; from the verbal and emotional abuse Ladun endures to the abusive and negative environment their son sees that will definitely affect his relationships with women in the future. Even more disheartening is that her friends don't see anything wrong with their other friend being battered by her own husband and off course the mother in law being aware of her son's abusive nature but telling her to endure because of some twisted sense of duty.

I wonder what signs existed before they sealed their union, I mean I simply don't believe that monsters are able to hide their true nature. Did he ever criticize her clothing or hairstyles? And she just mistook it for him being interested in her looking good. Did he ever shut her out emotionally giving her silent treatment to teach her a lesson and she thought it was just him being a baby? Were there signs that Ladun wasn't equipped to recognize or chose not to acknowledge?

30+ u sabi write sha, u go ahead

30+ said...

@Arewa, it is quite rampant.
@Sewa, some will say it is not.
@Kpakpnado, thanks for the insightful comment. It is impt to be observant during courtship and not get carried away.

acainto said...

Such a sad reality for so many women, including a good friend of mine...we should do the best we can to help sisters in such situations to see the truth and break free. It takes time, but it's so worth it.

Allied said...

where is the poem you promised to put up? Update!! i am waiting

Olamild said...

dropping by to say hello

Obinwanne said...

Abuse on women...i stand against it...STRONGLY...

Sherri said...

sad and very real!
no woman should put up with any form of abuse all in the name of being married.
the saddest part is how the cycle continues thru the generations.

we can bring about a change by not accepting the abuse to continue in our generation.

the last man who lifted his hand to me found himself in the er at luth with a concussion/contussion by way of a hockey stick and i was only 10 at the time.(he happens to be my brother)

btw,
loving ur writing style lots.

Nyemoni said...

You know you have to update right?

Jaybabe said...

Passed by to check how you faring and for an update. Hope everything na fine ooo!

Florida said...

I take it very personal any issue concerning any form of abuse on women, be it fictional or reality. It's difficult being a woman in a culture that disregards u entirely, that feels God built u to withstand all the abuse so therefore if u r enduring it, u r not doing anything spectacular, & if u fight back, u r abnormal & unruly. A culture that is too quick to dub u a feminist if u speak out agansit the ills we have to suffer & declares doom for ur husband (or would-be). A culture where u r either a prostiture, an old-maid or a fat housewife that is so unattractive that her 'poor' husband has no choice but to cheat on her. A culture that reduces women to soups, & what right-thinking man would eat Okro soup everyday of his life!!!

Anonymous said...

That was painfull to read...

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