Matchmaking Palava

I was going to title this post 'I go wound person o' but changed it after I calmed down.

One of the challenges of being a 30+ female is that people are always trying to hook you up, and hook you up real bad. Most are with good intentions, others it's just to get you to move on (out) so that the young can grow.

Which brings me to the question, what is the right way to matchmake, how can you set up folks so the two individuals don't feel under pressure but rather get a comfortable feeling of forging a friendship that may ultimately lead to I DO.

I find sometimes it is best to avoid this desperate matchmakers but being the amiable person I am, I seem to be an easy target for all sorts of matchmaking. I can understand when it is those mamas, papas, uncles and aunties, but at least your friends should know better.

That is how the other day, I was jejely minding my business reading blogs, working and you know generally being 30+ and my friend calls me leaving two messages:

Message 1 -‘30+ pe mi asap (call me), it is very important, I repeat pe mi o, unfailingly today’.

Message 2 (30mins later) – 30+ ibo lo wa now (where are you), I need you to call me, what do you have mobile phone for if one can not reach you make sure 'pe o pe mi'(that you call me) there is an urgent discussion’.

Listening to message I call her back 'asap' , here goes the conversation:

30+: 'Ore what's up, your message sounded rather urgent, ki lo nsele'

Friend: '30+ ibo lo gba lo? (where did you go?), we were trying to set something up here and I wanted to give you the 411'.

30+::' Really, who is "we" and wetin dey?'

Friend: 'I want you to listen carefully, I know you may frown at this but anyway let me just go straight to the point (short silence) there is this guy...'

30+: Sighs (not again)

Friend: 'Mo ti mo (I knew that would be your reaction), don't sigh, I have not said anything now to make you sigh. As I was saying there is this guy that I will want you to meet, he is my friends uncle no sorry nephew, well I don't remember the relationship, Most important he is a Christian, he is also a nice person sha. He is from etcetera, he is light skinned'

30+: 'I am listening' (Buzzer goes off in my head...kno, 30+ does not dig light skinned and does not want to go to etcetera, too far from my country)

Friend: 'Well ..... he was kind of married before'

30+: 'Which one is kind of ?'

Friend: 'Well he was married but is divorced now

30+: 'He is divorced now?!' (ding...o jebi)

Friend: '.Yea... Well he has a kid, no not one, two kids...ehn sorry I meant two'

30+: 'Ehn Ehn, 2 KIDS' (Buzzer goes into overdrive ....KNO, KNO, KNO, too young to manage that; 3 families (mine, his and hers), 2 step kids, plus my would be 5 kids = high blood pressure)

AND THEN SHE SAID...

Friend: 'He said he is not making any promises o but he will consider'

30+: 'Silence' (Buzzer in my head has just pafuka at this point in time, flipping heck, I am definitely being framed, this must be the joke of the century).

Friend: 'What do you think?'

Y'all must commend 30+ for keeping her cool up till now, she is seriously trying to bridle her tongue, because if she starts let's just say by the time she finishes you will go and change your name with immediate effect.

Friend: '30+ are you still there, what do you think'

30+:'Well I think....HELL NO, he can go and ...(slowly breathe in, breathe out), he can go and hold himself and his foolish consideration'.

Friend: 'Ha ha 30+ it is not like that, and I thought you may not like it o. Don't be upset now.'

30+: 'Upset ke, why will I be upset...abeg I will have to call you back' (I am about to unleash my...count 1 to 100)

Drops the phone muttering under my breath "Upset, upset, upset upset does not even come close to describing what I feel now, let me go and lay my head down before i break something"
See my life outside o, 30+ has suffered chai, my eyes have seen for this obodo oyinbo.

I mean even though there seems to be a shortfall of eligible and available bachelors there are still enough single boys/men out there without previous commitments x 3 (ex wife, kid 1, kid 2) and Considerations...

I know what you are thinking right about now, I wonder the situation is with 30+, what does she look like may be she is the niece of the hunchback of notre dame with no possible dream of a prince in shinning BMW (armour na old style).

Okay here goes: 30+ is SINGLE (no kid /ex husband dead or alive), good looking, vivacious, God loving, professional babe. Oprah could pass for my Mum and y'all know kids are finer that their parents (I ain't denying you mama 30+, you are finer than Oprah, just had to help the blog readers). I am not Halle Berry but I could be her sister (na you sabi) except for some stubborn extras here and here that refuse to shift, in fact you can call me a cutie or black beauty and you will not be amiss.

Help a sister out here, am I the only 30+ in the city, abi na by force to be hooked up just because they (my friends) are. I wonder what kind of gist they must have had for the ramshackle guy to utter such statements.

EMI (ME) KONSIDA, shuo who is considering who, it is not your fault.... meeen, nobody must hear this especially Toro and Yemi, they will laugh my arse out of this town. At least I can share it on blogville where I am anonymous

I do wonder sometimes why I get this dufusticous offers, this incident made me to remember the guy I call Danger Mouse, oh boy I still laugh to this day when I remember our date...that story is for another post.

Till later Shalom

36 comments:

Ubong Da said...

Lol this is hilarious. I need to bookmark this site jare. You sound very composed and mature, I like that.

Maybe that is why I prefer hanging with 30+ folks these days. Okay I no talk again before all my under 30 blog fans begin dey vex for me, and send my blog URL to my bosses, ha yawah go gas o!.

For the love of me said...

Lol. Pele. my sis is in her late thirties and single. My mum is driving her crazy. It is the fate of being african

30+ said...

@Ubong da - thanks for stopping by, at least you find it funny. Me I am still feeling sorry for myself (not really)

@For the love of me: Chai I feel for your sister, I am sure if we share our chronicles it can turn into a book.

Pink-satin said...

'He said he is not making any promises o but he will consider'--WTF!!!!!!as in are u now an item that they will consider....my sis too is 30+ and they have tried all sorts of match making skills on her and like you she isnt despertae and woont setlle for less..her motto is that she is willing to meeting pple but she wouldnt marry just for marryiig sake......me sef i am 25 and my aunts want to starttrying it with me,i am open to meeting pple but abeg i amnot desperate!wats the point of getting married to someone u dont like ...i mean God knows your heart desires,he knows u want to get married..he established the institution of marriage!in his own time he will send u the flesh of ur flesh and the bone of ur bone!.....i can imagine how angry u were wen ur friend said he will consider!pele dear

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Okay, you have every right to be upset and pissed. There is no reason for anyone to make any potential date think that you are desperate. That is the problem with us matchmaking types. There is a fine line between getting a guy interested in meeting a friend and giving him the impression that said friend is desperate for a relationship or marriage.

It seems like your friend sold you short, here. But, I am sure she didn't mean to offend. I beg, kulutempa. No vex anymore.

100%Lighty said...

YE YE YE YE YE 'CONSIDER' DAT IS RINGING A FIRE ALARM IN MY HEAD. WTFFFFFFFFF. WIT 2 KIDS AND A DIVORCE CERTIFICATE HE IS IN THE POSITION TO CONSIDER? HE MUST BE VERY STUPID. AM ANGRY 4 U OHH UMM. TO BE HONEST, I BLAME UR FRIENDS, GOD KNOWS WOT PROFILE OF U THEY GAVE HIM. WELL SHA! GOD DEY. U JUST STAY FIRM AND IGNORE ALL DEM BIG MOUTHS.

30+ said...

@Pink Satin - Exactly o shebi it is God that instituted it, me I know he will sort me out, it's just this "helpers" that are trying me

@Solomonsydelle, so you too do matchmaking, but I am sure you use tact sha.

@100% lightly - It is my friend that I blame, definitely. I just don't know how to tell her my mind without blowing my lid off. So I have kind of fashied her for now.

@All, thank you jare I feel better for having somewhere to pour my mind.

laspapi said...

30+, this is as interesting as "love matters" get. The guy said he wasn't promising anything but would consider? He must have thought he was bargaining from a position of power. You're a strong woman, 30+, ignore twats.
The stuff you said about the theatre and you? I believe that totally. Sooner or later.

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

Thisnhappens everyday, please don't mind them. I see ur handling them well, and then they are married yes and what next? You will surely meet ur own.

My friend once told me how her aunt said it's better to be married and divorced than never married at all, what nonsense are these Nijia women talking about??? Is it by force. My Aunty just got married at 40, both prties have never been married b4 and are crazy about each other.

Your story wont reach 4o, but pls enjoy urself now that ur single my sista.

30+ said...

@Laspai, thank you, na real Bargain. Yes o very soon it will be take positions...and ACTION (lol). I am excited already, mehn e get as e be.

@a kel wonder...I have heard similar, one told me, shebi it is to born, just grab one guy (as if it's burger) have your kids and face your work.

Sisbee said...

I go wound person ooo would have been an appropriate title..honest.

Fatoumata said...

i also hate those matchmakn crap!!so annoying!!!like a guy cant see u nd ask u out,u have to ask him to ask me out??!!
u will def get ur prince with his shining BMW!!!u go girl!!
thnx for stoppn by...
xoxo

30+ said...

@Sisbee shey, that is really how I felt.
@Fatou, BIG AMEN to that

× it` is what is™ said...

Hey Gurl..Thanks for checking out my page..

catwalq said...

o ba furo baba boy yen and your friend just missed road big time

catwalq said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE II HAS BEEN POSTED....

30+ said...

@'tis what it is, thanks.
@Catwalq, abi o, I am rushing to catch academie now, can't be late for schoo (lol)

Nyemoni said...

Hey girl...thanks for stopping by my blog...this post was hilarious! He will "consider" you ke? Seriously, I go wound person o! Would have been on point! Have a jolly good week!

Manda said...

lol @ the whole story. My elder sis is 26 n my boss is already arranging someone for her. He's going about asking his younger friends if anyone of them wants to get married to her? i wonder wat she'll do when she finds out (boss is my uncle).

Naijas can be sooo crazi about marriage. pele my sista.

30+ said...

@Nyemoni, thanks for stopping by mine, na so I see am o.

@Manda, your boss (Uncle) get as e be, so she is advertising sister for sale (LAWL).

Anonymous said...

...what's with all these marriage (matchmaking) stuff?
Concern appreciated, help not (necessarily) requested.
Never mind them joo, if you want, sure yours will be bold to come himself then, he won't be considering for he'll see you in your full glory and how very much you are worth.

rethots said...

...what's with all these marriage (matchmaking) stuff?
Concern appreciated, help not (necessarily) requested.
Never mind them joo, if you want, sure yours will be bold to come himself then, he won't be considering for he'll see you in your full glory and how very much you are worth.

30+ said...

@rhetots, my sentiments exactly and a big Amen

NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

Well, you need to get rid of friends that are selling you short...You berra wound person o!

Olamild said...

Oh hell to the freaing NO
What is he considering?
U no need all that crap my sister
don't let anyone do the hook up
You are the only one that knows what you want in a man
Go for it and make it quick o jare

30+ said...

@nigeria politricks, I have not as much called since.
@Olamild, thank you o jare my sis

UndaCovaSista said...

Tarry plus, you crack me up big time!!

"I know what you are thinking right about now, I wonder the situation is with 30+, what does she look like may be she is the niece of the hunchback of notre dame" . Too funny!!

I feel you completely o! The cheek of that man! It's enough to make one consider taking a toy boy (lol)

30+ said...

Undacova, they want to make me commit ni, meehn.

Belle said...

lmao... your friend is outta control.

what got me was the dude saying he would consider. all his baggage, and he's considering? hiss!!

love your attitude.

30+ said...

@Belle, Imagine that, thanks for stopping by.

30+ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aloted said...

LOL..just read this now (first time here)..and I must say the guy is either stupid or just plain funny...nawa o..consider ko consider ni..
but dat ur friend..nawa for her o...
30+ pls dont mind all these people. "Though he tarries he shall surely come"

Nice blog by the way :)

akin aworan said...

This blog made me laugh. You remind me off my best friend who has to go through the motions all the time. I have to get him to read this blog. :-) I'm definately putting you up on the blog roll!

30+ said...

@Aloted: Thanks babes and a big Amen.
@Aworan: Thank you

Florida said...

Geez, this is so funny am almost peed on my pants. Take heart dear, no be only u. In 10 days i'd stop being 25, but in the past year, i've met more men 2ru referral (matchmaking) than normal 'boy meets girl' scene. My mom & her friend r intent on marrying me off b4 i get 'too wise'!!!

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