I trust you are all good.
Remember that from North to South there is no other God, from East to West there is no other God before him there is none and after him nko no one.
This is an old gist I had promised to download a while back about Danger Mouse who happened to be a match make attempt it just occured to me I did not fulfill the promise so finally here it is the update you don dey halla me for 'you know yourselves'
Like film sha Sis O pulled me aside about three Sundays later and introduced me to this guy Bros Dangermouse (a.k.a. Bro D) Here goes the convo:
Sis O: "30+ meet D"
Moi non the wiser said casually "Hello D"
He acknowledged followed by awakward silence, my eyebrow raised at Sis O face as to 'who he was supposed to be'.
Sister O just said "Talk now, ki lo nseyin"? (Talk, what is wrong with both of you?)
That was when the penny dropped, I turned charcoal black from the blushing, how embarrasing. Where is a ground opening earthquake when you need one.
Folks, some peeps can be tactless.
I observed Bro D with my corner eye, the bros was decked up in Suit, nice itele (shoes) tie knotted gbagbagba(i.e choker level) he had obviously made a lot of attempt to impress, na wa o. Physique -well heightwise and widthwise, the name Danger Mouse was meticulously given after careful observation of the aforementioned and the latter shenennigans.Bro D apparently grew up in mission house, was shy and doesn't know how to talk to girls e.t.c all according to Sis O.
Like eja kote head (frozen fish head), we exchanged pleasantries and numbers under the watchful eye of Sister O. If not that we were in Church and that I was/am working on mind renewal, bridling tongue.....God knows what I would have done.
Anyways, the guy called me a couple of times and the conversations were usually typified by monosyllables and sleep inducing jagbajantis like:
Bro D: "How are you? "
Bro D: "What are you doing?"
Bro D: "Did you poo?"
30+: "Yes I finally did!
Bro D: "Did you wee?"
30+: "I don't remember?"
Bro D: "Do you drink water"
...and so on so forth meanwhile trying hard to maintain civility. Why did I pick up his calls, I was being polite. Plus he was the one burning his credit and by the time he gets off the phone, I drop of to sleep instanta.
Then he invited me for a meal and film, and 30+ said yes, pass me not by free food and awoof no dey kill person ko...lie.
Come the D day, good meal, nice film, good weather, altogether nice outing, how splendid! I carried bag ready to go my own way abi after you see THE END at the cinema, next destination is for me to go home is it not?!
30+: "Thank you Bro D, God bless You, see you some other time"
That is how Bro D extended arms as per 'hug' goodnite shey, no shakin me too I accepted.
Next thing I know, what's going on? Shuo, I was on lockdown, Bro D will not let me go! Dude was holding me tight like his life depended on it.
I managed to free my head a bit to read his face as in 'what the heck is going on' I will try to carefully describe what happened in the following 2mins or so.
Have you seen folks in karate lesson when they take position as the Sensae shouts "assume the zeng ko kuda chi genda barai kamaite " . Bros D had assume position of kissing o, dude had his eyes closed, lips pouting and shooting out ready for me to reciprocrate. Then I started feeling his hands going down gradually and eventually resting ever so slightly on my DERIERE ready to grab my butt cheeks shuuuuuoo, not on your nearly balding head..............'haya!' 'hai!!' 'hai!!!'. I doubled up strength like the power rangers and broke free.....my dereiere, lai lai lai...na yam.
You and who? When did we start geography that we are drawing map?
So film and dinner is the cost to grab my precious derriere. I did not know that they taught them 'butt grabbing' at the mission house. Needless to say I gave him one look and lest I commit (in the days when I was not this calm, that bloke would have chopped hot slap), started walking away. One after the other I sucked my butt cheeks in just in case they decide to wiggle at him in a mannner of showing off ....
Did I feedback to 'Sis O'? No I could not be bothered.
However unknown to me 'Sis O' had informed 'Sis Devil is a liar' (a better pally of mine)about her matchmake effort and was wondering why I did not show enthusiasm to the guy (apparently danger mouse gave 'Sis O' the impression I was not keen and he is shy around me). So when 'Sis Devil is a liar' asked my taken aback self, I gave her the low down of the butt grabbing expedition of 'Bro Danger mouse' knowing fully well she will not hold back in speaking a piece of her mind to 'Sis O'.
On a serious note I was a bit miffed at the whole shebang. I was not wearing anything revealing to entice him, we did not even watch Romantic film, it was X men or something like that. So at which junction did my body language signal to him that my butt was itching for a grab.
Someday I will tell my kids and grandkids the story of what this Nubian Princess went through before meeting her Prince, better still I will just give them this blog URL.