At the Gym

Hi Peeps,

How y'all keeping? Oya for the fact that you are reading this blog and post at this time take a minute to thank God, done.

I have tried to be a good girl by eating my 5 a day and going to the gym at least 2x a week. Although the pounds refuse to shift I am resolved to press on I need to keep fit.


For now, let me chronicle what happened at my gym with a girl/lady I call 'made in nigeria' (you go soon find out).

First meet some of my gym comrades

Size O a.k.a Twiggy

Skinny as they come, the type that some traditional women will argue can not bear children because she does not have child bearing hips or milk giving boobs. I was oberving her leg and the other and remember my brother's nickname in secondary school 'cassava plant'. Just because you are skinny don't mean you should not gym abi, you still need to keep fit but she takes it to another level. She is a permanent fixture at the gym one particular week I went to gym like 4 times (a good week) and my Twiggy was there each time.

I come into gym she is there, I leave like 1 hour or more later and she is still there.

The passion (almost as if posessed) with which she attacks the threadmill and the crosstrainer (her favourites) has led me to believe that "what lies beyond no 6 may be more than 7". I kid you not over the month her gym slacks are now falling off her hips and she rolls it to fit her small deriere.

I wish to go and ask the girl to slow her role but I remember the proverbs that "Soldiers ants are tiny but deadly". I don't want to have to be scraped off the gym floor for not minding my own business.


The Couple

Another set of gym loyalist, they come in to the together all the time and I wonder if they rehearse their steps or it is a coincidence that their walking is always in sync left together right together. Threadmill together adjacent while chatting, they row together, do the steppers together and you can see the scrawl on the guy's face go up a notch, on occassions when gym is full which means no adjacent machines. Funny though despite the seeming togetheress it does not sit well that they are a couple. Infact for a long time I thought she was training him until I saw him hanging outside the ladies changing room so they could enter the gym together. Maybe it's because the guy always has this look on him like a soldier on mission compared to the cool Missus.

There are more

The three jolly Greys: They are definitely over 60's, 2 ladies and 1 guy. I am a sucker for grey hair it evokes this air of Wisdom, Victories, Surviving. I so much Love the way the guy waits for the ladies while they finish up on a machine, I am sure one of the ladies is his wife.

The encourager: Let's just say when I look at her, I tell myself that if she is not discouraged then I should not be.

Recently I saw this newbie who come in and she most def was 'made in Nigeria', how did I know. Well 'We' kind of made that knowing eye contact ('as in you are we know ourselves') and smiled oyinbo smile.

She was on the threadmill while I headed for the rower. When she finished on treadmill she went to weigh herself (well it's common for folks to weigh themselves when they come in and when leaving). Next my homegirl went on cross trainer and after like 15mins hopped off and straight on the scales again (okay o). Before you know it 'made in Nigeria' gets on steppers just as I was leaving the rower, after like 15-20mins, guess what? Yes 'homegirl' goes to weigh herself yet again (by now I am chuckling to myself and thinking, girlfriend please represent now na today). Thankfully she leaves gym room (or so I thought) while I battled on the crosstrainer.

Like 10mins later 'Made in Nigeria' comes back into gym and did something odd, she was sniffing her fingers and I am thinking hmmn she is checking that no traces of no 2 is left under the nails. Well take a while guess on what she did next?! You guessed right the babe promptly went on the scales again to weigh herself. At this point in time I was trying so hard to hold my piss (yes piss) and not burst out laughing weight loss by fire by force.

You see a while back one of my colleague gave me a secret which was "the easiest way to loose 2lbs in 2 mins is to do a dump of no 2" and for maximum weight loss ensure ample no 1(liquid) and no 3(gas) is added. When my thoughts came to the liquid part, I had to abandon xtrainer and make a dash to the white house holding my piss and laughter along the way, it was no easy feat.

Human beings we are so impatient, sure she did not pile the pounds one in one day, why she expects it to go in one day pass me.

Morale of my gist, Rome was not built in a day, like the songwriter said "Lord help me to take one day at a time"

Abeg y'all can go and try the weight loss recipee which I call "dump 1, 2 and 3" free of charge courtesy THIRTY +.

Till Later

Shalom

28 comments:

AlooFar said...

ha! all the best with this new career. let me know if u'll need a lanky gym instructor

fantasy queen said...

lol'
maybe she read something we've never heard of before.

the more u check ur weight while working out, the more u loose it.

thankGod i stoped my gym sessions, those skinny slaving away are only out there to make u feel bad about urself.

Believer said...

Lol! This is why I love 30+!! Made in Nigeria...when I used to go to the gym I rarely weighed myself, don't want to feel bad!! Anyhoo this is another wake up call for me to get back into my fitness regimen. Dunno if I will be following your advice sha!!

LG said...

'....I kid you not over the month her gym slacks are falling off her hips and she rolls it to fit her small deriere'.
LOL babes dat wat i call wicked :-)

Funms-the rebirth said...

lmao...... gosh this post is hilarious..... made in nig babe, na wa o.... maybe she was expecting a miracle..... and as per size 0, i have some like that in my gym and i wonder why!!!!!!!!!

Beulah! said...

First time here..u r funny!..Nice blog

Writefreak said...

Lol...very funny!
Lol at the skinny girl, that some will say cannot bear children!

All the best with gyming!

Good Naija Girl said...

You had me laughing through this! I have never thought of weighing myself after um, unloading!

Why does she think the gym is still full of people working their butts off if the weight could drop like that...silly woman!

Sounds like Lady #1 could have a serious problem, but hopefully her loved ones will be there to help her out.

All the best in the gym; congrats on your dedication!

pink-satin said...

yuck at smelling her fingers

Afrobabe said...

Babe...that girl no come there to play oh....she came to get thinner fullstop

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL! Wouldn't it be nice if the weight could fall off like that? I'm going home tonight to do that your weight loss recipe. By fire, by storm.

yankeenaijababe said...

Goodluck as u shed the weight, anything is possible if you believe. ..loved the analysis of the people at the gym. That was fun..you have a good week.

kuesooM said...

U r too much! I hate when folks try to compete with me on the machines....

Bibi said...

oh my God. as i was reading this, i just kept imagining the pple at my gym. i think there is one of each at every gym. but i don't think i know anyone like the made in nigeria but i do know one who eats, sleeps and.... i don't know at the gym. she makes me feel like i am the laziest person in the world but na she sabi abi? FIRST TIMER but i'll be back

THIRTY + said...

@Aloofar, your services may be called upon soon.

@FQ, Either that or babe is real desperate.

@Believer oya forward match to gym

@LG, wicked indeed

@Funms, those size 0 must see someone different in the mirror

@Beulah thanks you are welcome here.

@Writefreak, na some funny Nigerians talk o, child bearing hips, dunno if people carry babies on hips or is it not womb.

@GnG, she must have been desperate ni. I smell anorexic for miss twiggy.

@Pink Satin, You deserve an award for the most on and off blogger just checked your site and surprise surprise e don move.

@Afrobabe and Thinner she will get until we see her no more

@Vera, good girl let me know jare the effectiveness of it.

@YankeeNaijababe, it's not even about believing anymore more like I no go gree.

@Kuesom, don't try me with the Elliptical.

@Bibi, welcome to my blog. Twiggy does make me feel a tard bit lazy

THIRTY + said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

girl u had me in stiches, burst out laughing at work!!! Good luck with the gym, am on the same boat as u trying to lose a few kilos:)

Tigeress said...

omd that is so hilarious about made in Naija. People dont lose weight like that.

also lol@ the couples walking in sunc.

My dear, the older we get the harder it is to lose weight. luckily for me i'm like a small UK10 thanks to the 1month fasting we just finished. And i eat only small protions in the attempt to maintain the weight. But me sef suppose gyming.

joicee said...

Made in Nigeria!!

Hilarious indeed, she sure represented well hahaha!

goodluck with the gym, don't mind twiggy and made in nigeria

bllk wolf said...

na wa o!!!
9ja and dem do am quick! syndrome...
hey! i been leave comment here b4 o!
werin happen to am?
which one of una remove am?
bad belle!!!lol
but i still remember werin i yarn sha...
but babe(says with dep igbo accent)
u neva talk why all of a sudden u done dey spend too much time for gym o!
u for helep me ask the gal wether na brazillian butt, six pack abs, keeping it all firm and tight abi na one new catch she wan impress?
but 30..come to think of it na werin u bring come for me from ya journey?
i dey serious o!
good to have u back..
dem tell u say i miss u bad bad?
that reminds me u fit send ur email to bllkwolf@hotmail.com..
since u no wan call me.

Buttercup said...

Ha! Does Twiggy want to totally disappear ni?? Mschew!

Lol @ the couple..its kinda sweet tho!

I really wonder what elder people think they r doing at the gym. Dont they get scared of a sudden heart failure? There was this baba at my gym..he was on the cycling machine, going at it like his life depended on it. He was panting so hard, I was so convinced he was gonna drop the next instant! Scary..

LMAO @ made in naija! Hahaha nawa o..

Good luck with ur weight loss! How r u anywayz?

Buttercup said...

*elderly

temmy tayo said...

30+ I need to shed weight o and i dont want to join the gym. Any DIY tip? I am FAT now.

THIRTY + said...

@Anon, glad to make you laugh.

@Tigeress, true o, I usually loose the weight once I concentrate but this days I need triple concentration.

@Joicee, thanks

@Blkwolf, long time, will try to holla.

@Burracup, the elderly too want to try to keep fit small. Actually these elderly ones don't really do the strenous exercise.

@Temmy tayo, Long time. I recommend you start with dump 1,2 and 3 recipee and we go from there.

Mrs No Soul said...

very funny post!! I am a gym 'frequenter' myself and I had a really good laugh at your descriptive abilities...lol!!

we either go to the same gym or there's a twiggy at all gyms :-)

doll said...

LMAO@ your various gym xters

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