Sandra!

Hi Peeps what's popping

Thank God for the gift of blog, it gives me opportunity to rant when I need to. Thank God for the gift of boredom and time otherwise how else would folks sit down to actually read this.

Mood: Babanla major upset
Reason: Sandra, more bills
Sandra has really outdone herself o, causing major embarrassment for 30+ in the public. To think that I took pity on the her to give her the chance when the previous bloke gave up on her pimping her for peanuts.

BACKGROUNDShe was a bit of gamble considering her state when I met her and the pittance that I was commiting in cash, well I had no long term plans for her. However there was a particular day when we were cruising down, suddenly her shoe hit something and it came apart. Anyhoos I decided to buy her 2 brand new (a replacement and the other for spare). Well the dude fitting the new shoe (s) I bought, called my attention to Sandra's booty, where a brand new tyre complete with jack was hiding (under the carpet). I had earlier told the guy I had no jack nor spare, (he must have thought I was a bird brained woman). Ehm I am too busy with life to be checking under carpet for spare tyre and jack. I don't know why it has to be hidden under a carpet in the first place.Anyways after this incident, realising the underestimation I had for her, a new level of respect developed (hey, a spare and jack demand respect na). Also decided to rock her a bit more than earlier planned at the same time giving myself more time to save for a gengencious upgrade.
Lately I had been harping on the need for an upgrade and made the mistake of discussing this while driving Mz Sandra , it must have touched her nerve or is it suspension. So of course Mz Sandra waited till Friday morning to demo craze for me.

Early in the morin just as I am manoevoring to the reception area to get a temporary security card, the noise came 'Kriunch Krench', muutering "your days are numbered" I pressed gas to continue movement and managed to move 0.00000000001km. Don't even try it, more gas..... VOOOOOOOOM, kno, Sandra was as still as Olumo Rock. Close investigation revealed that driver side tyre had partly disengaged itself from the rest of car. Like the kid who decides to jump when every other kid is sitting still for the class picture - knowing fully well it was only one shot per class.

Wharra mess! right at the T junction in front of my office. "Sandra is it me you decided to advertise with disgrace like this". I was so tempted to dump her arse right there and just walk away but did not want my name to be in the next office newsletter for causing grievous accident to her colleagues by abandoning her vehicle.
Long story short I reluctantly called the mechanic to come and take the idiot to the garage asking casually for an estimate, "will get back to you he said". Kpatakpata (at worst) double digit figures. That is how the poxy guy called me around 5pm as I was coming out of one of those brain freezing meetings that derobes me of my saneness with all the fakeness and grammar blowing.

Garage man: Your car is on the ramp now, I will be fixing the suspension, gear something, ball and socket joint something and it will cost 275 excluding VAT. Note that they are suddenly repairing 3 things.
30+: "So what is the Status, how soon can i get the car and am I getting any discount on that amount?".
Garage man: "Will see what I can do".
Fast forward 1 hour later, as I am packing up to go home, brain is thawing slowly as the affairs/stress of the day begins to lift off my head.30+: "Flipping Heck" I suddenly muttered out loudly, "that winch of a car is costing me how much again?", . "How much did I buy the ramshackle car in the first place?" "Olopa o". I dialled garage frantically "this is sosoliso garage, we are now closed for the day, for emergencies....".
30+: "Dem jazz me how did I agree to pay that" ......BLANK
I can buy another banger with 275 ke.
I miss Mr Scopido, no VAT, no receipts all payment in cash, the guy will do work to suit your pocket/less.
On a normal day (excluding power suit, meetings and brain freeze) I would have done Naija style telling the garage man to tow the car back with heavy Nigerian accent. Instead I was yarning dust and asking for Status of car.

OK Sandra you don win this round, I promised all sundry that no money was going to be spent as I am saving all my love sorry money for Sandra's replacement. However since Sandra has chosen to fight dirty, she has another thing coming. The intention was to do the honourable thing by her as in give her away graciously to someone who will appreciate her but now I am selling her old raggedy arse off. I will use the life out of her but as God is my witness I am selling this sucker off, auction, ebay o, Woreva. Worse still I will take her to a car dealer and use her "ungrateful arse" as the deposit for ma new ride.
Moral of the gist
- No money/deal talk after a meeting especially post 5pm.
- Hell hath no fury like a car scorned especially when she has a lady's name.


OK rant over, the sun has gone down and I have vented my anger.
P.S - Inanimate object can hear word o but they don't read blog so I should be safe from any more of Sandra's embarrassment.
Shalom

35 comments:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

yea, bloging is addictive.... chk me out one day, maybe u will even get some of my books one day....i wil be back if u dont mind

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

was I second?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

yippeee! okay now let me go read.

UndaCovaSista said...

Lol! Machines speak to each other o! Haven't you heard?

Miss Iyabo Opeke said...

U'll be surprised by d fact that Sandra may juz be readin' diz [Watch out!!!]...lol

geisha said...

thats funny.
pele!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

lol, i first though Sandra was real.
Pity the chock now, but she has served u well. Haba!
At least, send her off properly

onydchic said...

And here I was wonderin who Sandra was.
My car's been sucking me dry too, and I haven't been using it a full month!

30+ said...

@Torrance - Will swing by yours

@Solomonsydelle - Yes you. You neva finish reading?!

@Undercover - Shuo 4 real. Been thinking do you by any chance need a car to beat the blues. For a small amount, it will be yours.

@Miss Opeke - If na joke, make you stop am o.

@Geisha - Thanks. Dunno why but I am not laughing sha.

@Catwalq - No send off for her o. Her freedom/send off money has been donated to Sosoliso garage.

@Onydchic - Cars are generally money sucker unless it is tear rubber and you change every 4 years.

Olamild said...

Madam Sandra warn yourself o
NO dey disgrace 30* like that

darkelcee said...

LAWL!!!!!!!!


Sandra wan disgrace my sister!Olorun o ni je.

Send her packing sharppish before she will try another stunt.

lol@M.I.O....how sandra go take read this?

go get a new beemer!

Jinta said...

the mecho jazz you o

Daddy's Girl said...

Hey 30+, how have you been? I'm running a writers' Carnival on my blog, it starts on Wednesday this week - do participate by either sending in an entry (there's still time and even late entries will be accepted until the slots are filled), or checking out the entries (and voting for your favourite). Details are on my blog. Take care.

Afrobabe said...

lol...sandra the chic...istead of u to write a soothing blog to sandra you are cursing her...wait till she reads it.

Arewa said...

Sorry oh...no vex..car nah machine.

UndaCovaSista said...

Lol! I can see the love is massive! Thanks, but no thanks...

PS - I've finally delivered on my weirdness o..

La Reine said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought Sandra was real.

..Long time no see, best of luck witcha ca..um..Sandra

30+ said...

@Olamild, abeg warn am for me.

@Darkelcee - Me too I know the way to Beemer showroom. Just that it is on the other side of town and I have been warned not to go to the other side of town till further notice - lol. So even with all my mouth I will have to rock Sandra a bit until alajeseku loan get in my hand.

@Jintagry - Mecho sha, been a long time I heard that word.

@Daddy's girl - I am working on it now.

@Afrobabe - That was the plan I was gonna write a tribute to Sandra with title that goes something like "Cheap but Reliable" or "Unexpected Blessing" "Gold on 4 wheels".
But she blew it.

@Arewa - Too late I don vex but I dey chill now. How na.

Undacova - Shall I write your weirdness with capital W. So funny.

@la reine - My Sandra is real o what are you saying she would not like to hear that - lol

Naija Chickito said...

lol. And there I was thing Sandra was some crazy arse girl you picked up from the streets!

kokolette said...

too funny "Sandra is it me you decided to advertise with disgrace like this"
could not stop laughing!!!

Allied said...

lol.. Very funny, I won’t be surprised if Sandra finds your blog. Maybe next time she will just daku on the highway...

Pele. Make sure Sandra replacement is a male, because he will come with ego.

Rinsola said...

awwwwwwwwww, Mz Sandra, irrespective of what 30+ has done to you, you shouldn't take revenge on her just like dat. Leave 30+ to God, okay? Try and move past the present issues and i'm sure 30+ would change for the best to you. Please crush your differences and help her get to wherever she needs to. Thank you Mz Sandra (lol). 30+...........my comments to u are reserved.

princesa said...

Am coming back o!
Just dropped by to secure my 23rd spot,lol!

30+ said...

@Naija Chickito you are not far from the truth cos I bought her on the street, she is acting crazy and she is well a chick ok car chick.

@Kokolette, the tale recounting is the funny bit. But when it happened shame catch me, I just use style rest head on steering to avoid those knowing looks from nosy co-workers.

@Allied, which one are you talking now, highway ke. Tele nko I am getting a stud for the upgrade, don't want any more drama queen.

@Rinsola, na wa o. So I am now to blame abi, ok I am going to the naughty corner. But bear in mind that she was the one who embarrased me o, ok God dey.

@Princessa, put money down to hold your position o

Mommy said...

Hmmmm....Sandra is a car? See all the wahala she caused ya. Pele ooooooo!

princesa said...

Lol!
Just read the post.
Poor sandra, as you no want free am na im she want disgrace you na,lol!

No do sandra bad thing sell am for e-bay o! Just donate am to me,lol!

No o o! I no want make sandy babe advertise me with disgrace,lol!

aworan said...

I think I've said it before, but if not, i'll say it now: You style of blogging cracks me up.. :-)

30+ said...

@Mommy, thank you jare

@Princessa, they won't give Sandra visa come lagos o. Even if they did will deport her one time from the port as illegal. And even if you smuggle it in just know that your babe o meter will go DOWN one knotch.

@Aworan, so far you are smiling, I am ok - lol

Afrobabe said...

lol @ them not giving sandra visa for naija...oh sandra I hope you are reading all this and planning your revenge...

Miss Iyabo Opeke said...

I love your Ode to My Lips...I am sure guyz will be chasin' you around juz to kiss them...lol

Anyways, that was a beautiful masterpiece...C’est Magnifique!!!

Tolantino said...

Lol.. poor 30+ E be like say this Sandra get winch o! Why she go start to dey play up just like that? 30+, abeg make you quickly go part exchange this thing before she start to show you more pepper than you already seen. To maintain car abroad no cheap. I swear those garages make up orishrishi ailments in addition to the original problem just to squeeze money out of you. Make you dey persevere my dear..

Favoured Girl said...

LOL! Funny post, although Sandra's misbehaviour is not funny, nor is it good for the wallet! Awww sorry dear, I think Sandra is trying to say she is tired of working for you and now wants to retire!

30+ said...

@Afrobabe, by fire by force Sandra will not hear you.

@Mz Opeke, thanks jare.

@Tolantino, infact you are thee one who knows the koko from, 10 out of 10 from Sandra's winch to ailment from garage.

@Favoured, retired for where I am not ready to release her.

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

lmao..your hilarious...

poor sandra.. I kind of feel bad for her..im sure she has served you welll and long...body no be firewood jo,, you sef dey break down too

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