Old Wive's Fable - Beanz

Hi Peeps,

Trust God is taking care of you, looked out of my window this morning and saw the clouds, beautiful Van gogh got nothing on that I thought.

Oya Blogvile get voting now should I give my site a makeover, see the polls on the right, just 7 days to go, remember voting is your constitutional right (Although, I have the Veto, ha ha ha)

On gist level, let me share my recent experience involving a friends advice, beans and the consequences.

In the quest to loose weight, I have been watching my diet and resolved to reduce my Carbs as much as possible which means more proteins, vegetables, lentils e.t.c. Chief protein source that I could think of was beans and it's derivatives including akara, moinmoin e.t.c. Spurred on by my resolve, I decided to go all out for BEANS!!!

Well my FRIEND dutifully advises me that I should put the dry skin of the onion in the beans when cooking it, according to her it will help with the after effect of eating too much beans (gas). Call me silly but i believed her, plus I needed all the encouragement of making beans my best friend. I followed instruction to the letter stripping the onion naked, I put all the leaves in the cooking pot and cooked the beans to taste. I patted myself on the back because it seemed I had found the solution to after beans effect, IRO NLA (big lie).

Okay if you are very posh and think a lady should not talk about this things please stop reading now...otherwise I no send o.

Consequences - Come next morning, it was as if all forms of gas were called to congregated to alertness inside my stomach and they were doubling up, as in "lef-right", "lef-right", "nzobu nzobu eh ba eh", without warning artilleries started firing ni sha.
To the left, to the right and center in different flavors. Such was the involuntary action bursting out of me (with little resistance from the pectoral muscle).
I was left to stew in my own ***. It was compounded by the fact that I became upset that I had believed one of those olf wive's tales, should have known better, what has onion skin got to do with gaseous aftereffects of beans.
Talking about componded problem, Hydrgen, Nitrogen, Sulphur and oxygen were all compounding into a complex chemical easing itself out of Moi. The ramshackle onion leaves had done nada.

Y'all could have put a nozzle up in there and get your fill on, for cooking ready one time, no shakin.

The assault lasted till like lunchtime with the help from lots of water drinking and forceful management interventiona.k.a whitehouse visit by force.

There was nothing babed up about me that day meehn.

I did not dare to move unnecessarily from my seat because I was not sure that the evidence was still not hung up in the air following me around.

With no perfume on hand (the one day I needed it most), I just dey solo level while I counted my blessings that the guy that sits beside me is on long term assignment and being Friday a few of the other colleagues were off, the rest were at a safe distance.

It got me thinking about the useless old wives fable we have concorted over the years because come to think of it there is no correlation between onion leaves and beans . I mean where in the name of sardine and geisha do these old wives fables come from listed below are some of the ones I have heard:
  1. If a pregnant woman cooks moinmoin it will never be cooked - Get me some mean pressure cooker and see if it does not cook to overcooking.
  2. Pissing over a dog bite helps to heal wound quickly - Yeah right, is that not adding salt (from the urine) to injury.
  3. Putting your hand out to collect rain water can make you become paralysed (Mum, you could have just told small 30+ to stop playing in the rain)
Drop the ones you know in the comments section

Shalom

46 comments:

Lighty said...

ha ha ha ha lol! wot if the onions made u pass out more gas sef.
lolololol this is so funny.

am sure ur weight loss is coming strong. well done.

i know this fable that both white and black people believe in:
if you open up ur umbrella whilst in the house, it'll rain on your wedding day.
could that be true?

Mommy said...

Chei! See me wriggling my nose as if you are sitting next to me. I think its the other way round as I heard. Its leaves'supposed to make you fart even more. hahahhahhaa! lol, lol, lollollol and lol!

Mommy said...

whoopieeeee... and I am second AND thirdddd!! Applause!!

Unbiased said...

30+ why??? Why???? Haaaaa such gist. My dear you should have picked a better protein. Why not do the white meat diet or smaller portions. Keep away from beans and boiled egg. lol!!
Hope your stomach is better sha!!

Ugo Daniels said...

I think your blog is ok as it is BUT like you say, you haev the right, absolute right to warreva you want with it. Cheers!!

Allied said...

30+, that was so funny. We are on the same diet, mine is just for my skin.

I will tell you how to eat more beans without farting. The reason you fart is becaue of the indigestable sugar in beans.

Put your beans in the pot with water in it. bring it to a boil ( 5 mins). Turm off the cooker and let it sit (3-5 hrs) the sugar in the beans rises to the top. then rinse the beans with cold water then cook as usual.

You will still fart but it will cut it down 90%. The more beans you eat, the more your body adjust to it.

Isi said...

LMAO! 30 u go kill me o!!!!
i remember one: if ur soup is spoilt, put it on and use ur left hand to stir it. it will miraculuosly become edible. lol!!!! nonsense lie. lol!

darkelcee said...

30+ pele dear, i run away from beans ooo. even if it's the only source of protein i can get(then i'll rather remain fat...lol)

Old wives tales ,i get plenty...
- if you cross a pregnant woman's leg the baby will resemble you.... lol na yam?
- If you eat while standing up you will not be filled as the food will be entering the ground thru your legs!.... legs na drinking straw?
-A pregnant woman must not walk around in the sun cos of Abiku! that's crap!Well i would want that when i marry ooo, who wan work before?
- A pregnant woman should wear a safety pin anywhere on her body becos of winch people( Pin go shook them comot..hehehe! Orisirisi)
should i say more?

nice one sis.!

Orientatednaijababe said...

hahahahaha...... i will forever stay away from beans, maybe not ewa agoyin, that i love.

Aijay said...

Lol!!! I hope you informed your friend that her 'trick' didn't work. Gas is so immune to onions. Lol.
Ur blog looks fab to me. ;-)

chicala said...

Lol, its so funny how u fell for the story.

Another lie: If you sweep and the dirt gets on a female's feet, u'll marry her brother, lol na beans?

Funy post!

Rinsola said...

Lol, quite funny. I heard "bout the attaching of pins on clothing for some protection against witchcraft. I know it's just a naija thinking. And on ur site makeover, if it won't be bloglamorous, then keep it as it is now.

30+ said...

@Lighty, that's true even oyinbo's have their own.
@Mommy, for being second and third, visit previous post for more rounds of cake and jollof. So it is the other way round, na wa o
@Unbiased my stomach is better thx
@Ugo, ok
@Allied, is there any money back / damage prevention guarantee on your own advise
@Isi, LMAO left hand to repair soup
@darelece, you get plenti o, the safety pin one is just daft, can you pinch spirit
@Oriented, if not for weight loss, I don't even look at beans.
@Aijay, your vote will be counted.
@Chicala, so all I need to do is find Hugh Jackman's sister and sweep dirt on her feet (lol)
@Rinsola, bloglamorous I shall add that to my dictionary

princesa said...

lol!
First of all, i love beans so so much!
I can eat it morning, day and night with plantain, bread, yam, custard or even drink am with garri!
Funny enough, i dont even fart so much. I guess my body don dey used to the beans by now.

I commend you on ur determination to drop the pounds dear.If it would mean unusual farting then small price to pay abi? Na ur colleagues i dey pity sha.lol!

Abeg come drink champagne for my blog o! Mum's okay. Thanks for ur prayers!

Afrobabe said...

men leve that story, beans did me recently when i went to spend a night at a guy's house...just imagine calamity,spent all night in the toilet....kai see shame...used up all the air freshner in there..

Zephi said...

"if you eat garri and mango together youwill die..."


seriously all of those tales dont make sense..

nice to see you back

lol at "nzobu nzobo ebe eh"

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE IV IS HERE!!!!

30+ said...

@Princessa, Praise God I don go blog go drink champagne and I don iron cloth for the full parry. I don fashy beanz for now, it is moinmoin that I am loving. Though lady Allied is now giving me another gist.

BTW - @Allied, Lord help you if your style does not work.
@Afrobabe - LMAO, that is disgrace of the highest order, ndo

@Zephi - You heard that one too, psstew, it was especially painful in the mango season because I used to drink gari every day.

@Catwalq - You are 2much

BiMbyLaDs** said...

loll... lovely story... same thing happened to me o! this time na mango and eba combo.. walai! teh whole of Victoria station toilet almost closed down!...

laspapi said...

Talking about bodily functions today, 30?
I try to be careful with stuff like that when I have to go out the next day. Had a problem once in a car I travelled in (public transport) years ago. Prayed till I arrived at my destination.

Afrobabe said...

Allied, that ur method better work oh, else if you spoil this weekend for me,I am coming for you.

Believer said...

Haba 30+..u made me disgrace myself at work as I just burst into laughter while 'supposedly' doing some work on the computer! Ndo, sorry..i've never really had a problem with beans though I do not eat it very often. Hopefully, allied's method will work. Remain blessed and highly favoured

Arewa said...

NOOOOOO.All beans that one nah protein overdose...lol

onydchic said...

Ah yes, the not-so-wonderful effects of BEANS. I have a similar scenario. My aunt once gave me this ridiculously large plate of beans and made me finish it. At 9.30pm. Minutes before i went to bed. Needless to say, work the next day was an adventure. My stomach ached for HOURS before the ... FINAL moment. :)

onydchic said...

Oh yeah, about ur blog. I dunno, I like pretty things. So maybe it's time for a change!

UndaCovaSista said...

I've got one word for you - BEANO!!! Its a food ennzyme dietary supplement (that's what it says on the bottle sha). Basically, you take 2-3 tablets before you take any gas producing food e.g. beans and it breaks down menene in the food before it produces gas.

I have severe bloating problems i.e. i always look 4 months pregnant after eating a lot of foods and it works for me. The only problem is its not available here in the UK. I had to order mine on ebay.

And lastly, onions are also a gas producing food..

olaoluwatomi said...

wash the skin of your beans, it will take time but your beans will cook faster and your H2S expulsions will be cut down tremendously. i think the pectoral muscles are in the upper limb, it should be the external anal sphincter that refused to stay closed.
Lovely post and nice blog!

30+ said...

@Lol, Bimbylads you are the only one that can have a MANGO AND EBA combo, carry on.
@Laspapi, LMAO serious intercession for the brethren
@Afrobabe - We will both go for her
@Believer - Thank you
@Arewa - I want to loose weight ni
@Onydchic - Those Aunties and Mums sef, always asking wanting you to finish your plate.
Ok I will cast your vote oin the ballot box

30+ said...

@Undacova - For real, I am going to check on Ebay. My sister is always bloated, she may also find.

@Olaoluwatomi - If I wash skin hope all the skin will not fall off (will try sha).

Anal kini, well you are a dokita so you will know better.

Isi said...

30+ i've missed u loads- mwah!
as for site makeover, i like it the way it is. blue works well for me!
oya update! lol!!

Babawilly said...

This gist reminds me of one jam- Dancing vibrations- by the Rice and Beans orchestra (I lie not).
Was a hit in Lagos in those days of Patrick Oke and JAJ. (For those old enough to remember the cliche goes). I am off to you tube to look for them.
Thanks for stopping by my blog

Lighty said...

SISTA MI, THX 4 UR COMMENT ON MY BLOG, MUCH APPRECIATED.

~Mimi~ said...

awwwwww bless u. old wives tales, my grandma told me loads of those and my aunts, luckily for me my mum never believed in them so she never handed me down those stories..

acainto said...

Very funny! By the way, cardio (walking, running, stair climbing, cycling, etc) and cutting down on fat (eg butter) are a great weight loss combo.

akin aworan said...

It's always a breath of fresh air (no pun intended!!) when you read about real life scenarios of bodily situations.. you crack me up! :-)

Waffarian said...

Heheheheheh, I think if you soak the beans for some time before cooking it will lessen the effect.

Good job with the dieting, they are many other good sources of protein, so you don't have to rely on just beans, thank God!

My old wives tale: A pregnant woman should not eat snail because when her child is born, the child will have an over production of saliva(u know, those kind of kids that have saliva dripping constantly from their mouths, for Warri, them say na snail dey cause am!)

30+ said...

@Isi - I don miss u plenti
@Babawilly - Rice and Beans Orchestra!!! Holla if you find it on you tube.
@Lighty - You are welcome
@Mimi - Bless your mum for that
@Acainto - Na wa o, is it cardio you just called like that. I have been trying with gym but e no easy.
@Akin aworan - (lol) No pun taken, thx for stopping by.
@Waffy - (LMAO) what a load of tosh, na real wa

Allied said...

please update!!!!!!!!!!!

Isi said...

babe what's up? oya update nah!!!

princesa said...

I remember one old wives tale.

If while lying down, someone crosses over you, that person has to cross over the other way otherwise you wont grow any taller.
Lol!!!

As a kid, my brother always teased me and he would jump over me while i slept, i wouldnt stop crying until he jumped over me the other way. The thought of remaining short... Haba!!!

Oya update!

30+ said...

@Isi and Allied an update has been served.
@Princessa, LMAO you just crying for nothing eh ya.

Kpakpando said...

OMG, that was like the beginning of my hour 15... symphony of messing mehn. NEVER AGAIN

Calabar Gal said...

So thats why I've been farting all day...... made some beans earlier on today. LOL!!

I remember those old wives tales - If you swallow orange or agbalumo seeds, they'll grow inside your stomach and the branches will shoot out through your head. To think I believed that. LOL!!

bighead said...

I agree with lighty; onions supposedly contain compounds of sulphur. I think its what makes yur eyes sting when yu cut them.

The other day we were discussing the one of eating mango and soaking garri and how that is supposed to kill

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