Meetings Palava

Peeps mi, what's up? How y'all doing?

Trust you are all well, our God is faithful. Thank y'all for your kind comments and concern about head hurts post.

My laptop has gone into coma again o, as I write this I am using a friends computer. Imagine 30+ has not been connected to the cyber for the past 48hours (save 15mins this morning and right now). It is now back with the same folks who collected money from me tlling me it has been repaired. At this rate I'm gonna get a whole blog dedicated to my laptop (God forbid agbana (money guzzler) in my life).

Apart from my technology woes, I have been swamped with work for the past couple of weeks, gist is I have now been given more responsibilities at work which means more work and tthe number of meetings I am being dragged into has doubled.
I am developing a coping mechanism but I hope it does not backfire on me. Let me share a recent experience at one the numerous meetings.

It is Wednesday afternoon and we are having the third meeting for the day, anyways this was how the meeting went for 30+. In the ORANGE are my thoughts, in LIGHT GREEN are the actual words spoken, (while in brackets are expressions / actions). YOU HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.

Contractor: ...If we take on board the existing infrastructure...blah blah

30+: (Yawns), oh boy this is my 2nd yawn in the last 5 mins, note to self, I have to ZIGZAG my mouth for the next yawn tis less obvious....

Contractor: (10 mins later) "..So one of the main challenge to taking that approach in our strategy implies that we will have to simulate the build enviroment rather than actual building of the enviroment. This strategy while having it's own risks also presents us with the opportunity of implementing RAD approach in the strategy for server installations on the" .....blah blah

30+: 'Someone better tell this BONSUE guy that 30+ has a pet peeve for the use of meaningless words. Look at his mouth moving and yet he is not making any sense to me'. Oh oops he is looking in my direction, I better nod like I know what the heck he is on about (I nod my head). 'I WILL SWAP HIS RAMBLINGS FOR BABY TALK ANYDAY'. "GOD HOW FAR NOW? I NEED TO START THIS BABY MAKING BUSINESS SOON, AT LEAST AMONG OTHER THINGS I CAN ESCAPE MEETINGS FOR A WHOLE YEAR, 2 YEARS IF I EMIGRATE TO CANADA"....'30+ listen to what your boss is saying....'.

My Boss: "Well I will like a detailed overview of this development before making any decision"

30+: 'Kai she just said detailed and overview, it is either detailed or overview, not both, give me a break woman'. 'Hold on what date is it today hmmn....Wednesday so it's a whole 2 days before Friday, na wa o' "I can do all things through christ who strengthens me" talking of which what did the pastor preach on Sunday....Was it Love or Covenant, need to check when I get home...hmmnn the room has gone quiet...

My Boss: "...30+ did you say something?"

30+: 'Did I say that out loud'?! 'Abi this woman is a witch ni'?! 'Chai egbami....hold on, I did not say it loud' (rolls eyes discreetly) "Well it will be a good idea if he can capture this information and present it on a two pager so we can include it in the end of month pack". 'Look at her mouth, instead of just asking for my comments, did she see my mouth open, agbaya'.

My Boss: "Excellent"

30+: 'Duh did you not get the hint tell this contractor guy to stop yapping and summarise on a report'. (Turns attention to the two other men in the meeting) 'Why are this two stooges in the room anyway?' They have not said anything since the meeting started only nodding their head like the father christmas toy I bought in pound land'. 'Well at least this younger one is taking note but what about Mr Red Tie', he looks like a woman' Hhhhhmmmn I wonder if he is a drag queen by night'. 'Yeah I can picture him now dressed like Tina Turner, infact the three of them contractor, stooge 1 & 2 all dressed up as women' (I start smiling). Contractor is smiling at me, eh ya he must be think I am smiling at what he is saying, even my boss dey show smile in my direction....'look at them they don loss'.....'30+ don't laugh o'.....'let me zero back in'

Contractor: ....."If you are both happy (i.e. my boss and I),I will progress with that approach"

30+: (I nod my head like Agama lizard), .....'where was I again...yeah they are all dressed as women and dancing to.....DJ give me some befitting music for the 3 musketeers'....(Song begins in my head)... 'oh oh yahooze', 'oh oh yahooze'.....'everybody enough effizy take am eazzy, it's all about the benjamin baby'......'Contractor should be the lead singer yeah it suits him'.....Bleep 'Why is my boss looking at me? 'Damn she is giving me that expectant look.....oh no she is expecting me to say something'. Damn who spoke last'? 'Chai I am gonna disgrace myself now'? '30+, take a sip of your coffee' (sips coffee nervously). 'God, God, please please help me, sorry I was not listening'. (I squint my eyes a bit as if in deep thinking).

My Boss: What do you think 30+?!

30+: (Deep breath) well (coughs) whatever we decide, as long as we all have the overall goal and Objective at the back of our minds and not loose focus.

Contractor 1 and Boss: (Almost in unison) Absolutely, Definitely we need to be mindful of that! (2 stooges just nod their head in differnt directions)

30+: 'Ope o, another one bites the dust, BUZZ words Goal and Objective it works everytime'... (song in my head again) 'Oh oh yahooze'...'30+ stop that song in your head right now'. 'How far now? why is my boss looking at me again'? 'Was she not you who called meeting abi wetin consign me'. 'I wonder if she is reading my thoughts..... what if she can hear my thoughts telepathically, I don't trust this people, abeg make I zero back in sharpish... (Immediately start to listen carefully).

Contractor: 'We are right now in the process of analysing that particular approach and associated.....'

30+: 'Shuo we are still on approach' since meeting started' 'Sod it where was I?'....'oh oh yahooze' ....STOP...'no more yahooze, that song must leave my head' '....Hmmn talking of BABY TALK.....what if the three of them became babies and then I can put a dummy in their mouth.....I am sure Stooge one will be sucking his thumb anyway....I like this fantasy...much better....I am so gonna blog about this....!

I found the perfect picture below (with my boss now included) and of course in my own fantasy they were not eating lollies but yapping like parrots.



Till laters, keep smiling and holler back

Shalom

42 comments:

100%Lighty said...

lol @ the yahooze song. very addictive. nothing do u ohh u seem to alwayz have a come back 4 them with ur goals and objectives, ride on.
ur computer is till messing up? menh! u need to change that thing ohh.
hilarous, that pic. classic capture of them. lol.
wish u the best with ur busy-ness and please get a new lappy.

Akin said...

This is a really funny blog. I have meetings like this at least once a week with editorial teams and it's like a competition for who can spew out the biggest word just to oppress. It's all shakara, of course.

By the way, get a Mac laptop!!!!

Aijay said...

Lmao... That was so funny.
30+, na wa for your thoughts. From drag queens to Yahoozee to turning to babies. O ga oh! Lol.
For a minute I got scared that your boss would catch you lost in your thoughts.
I like that you're on top of your game. Keep it up!

Believer said...

Very funny post, has made my morning! I know how it feels to be in a meeting where people are actually saying words in English but I can't seem to make sense of what they are saying. Anyway's i loved your comeback

"whatever we decide, as long as we all have the overall goal and Objective at the back of our minds and not lose focus".

Have a great weekend

Zephi said...

lawl lawl lawl.....ohmigod..you are so silly..
I hate meetings, were people just talk and talk bout absolutely nothing and everything....and then my thoughts go tangents whilst insulting them in the backdrop

30+ said...

@100% lighty that means you are donating towards the new laptop.
@Akin you and lighty can donate to my new mac laptop cause.
@Aijay I wonder sometimes the way God created the brain 'tis awesome.
@Believer you are not alone with words that people say and I don't seem to understand.
@Zephi, we all do it jare.

UndaCovaSista said...

Hey 30+, congrats on the new work resps! hope they've also upped your salary accordingly, and if so, when are we coming to wash it?

Lol@ the 2 stooges nodding like father xmas toys from poundland! The one taking notes was probably jotting down the buzz words so he can use them when they allow him to start talking at meetings...

Jaybabe said...

LOL...Will come back

Just passed by....

Sewa said...

LoL, you're too much!

Nolé said...

LOL... Na wa oh, I'm not the only one who zones out in mindless meetings singing to myself. :)

Onome said...

(lmao) boy meetings are a pain in d rear aren't dey?(lol)...thanks for stopping by me blog. I appreciate it:-)

Isi said...

hmmm 30+ if your boss catch u... i no dey o! lol! ur blog is so much fun to read!

princesa said...

LMAO!!
I don die with laughter here o!
30+, thanks for this...just what i needed this monday morning!

I hope your boss neve gets to read this for ur sake dear.

About the baby making business...enjoy ur time now cos soon you will start it and then am sure you will be praying God to grant u some of the peace you enjoy now.

30+ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
30+ said...

@Undacova- Sis no pay increase, at least not yet.
@Jaybabe - Walk by slowly o
@Sewa - Thanks
@Nole- You'd be surprised
@Isi - Seriously I think she is on my case already.
@Onome - You are welcome
@Princesa - Glad it made you smile. Princesa I am enjoying the time but at the same time I am praying to get it over and done with kind of thing..

catwalq said...

1. i went and read your blog in class...the music...I am now in my professor's bad books.
2. Mr Red Tie looks like a woman? hahahahahaha
3. have a great week

laspapi said...

I hope your boss never comes across your blog address. You might have a hard time explaining that photo. Where've you been, 30+?

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

hehehehhee
laughing my head off

chicala said...

hehehehehee, funny picture ..if oga catches u ehn. I dont understand that yahooze song o, cos i cant get myself to like it. I think i need someone to explain it to me..............the reason why its so addictive. Why????????

Get a new laptop o, so gbo? If i cld help with the funding i would o, but omo girl is brokes, lol. HAVE A NICE ONE!!

Mommy said...

So I am not the only one who has the yahooze song ringing in her head during meetings. (LOL)
Nice blog...or have I been here before?

Allied said...

lol.. this is hilarious.. meaniless meetings i say!..

But you are on top of ur game oh.. i got caught once day dreaming, then i had to pretend i was rescheduling another meeting on my blackberry.

Manda said...

hahahahaahaa! too funny! at a point i thot ur boss was gonna get u!lmao... Abeg use da raise(assume u got one) to get urself a new lappy jare. This ur thots are smtn else O! cant stop laughing!lmao

Ugo Daniels said...

lol at squinting your eyes as if you were seriously thinking. Let them not catch you slipping oo! :)

bighead said...

is this the kain coping mechanism? who knows, the contractor himself might have been coping himself singing "stylee" while you were talking your own "...2 pager...". The world is just full of pretense

30+ said...

@Catwalq - There are some places where you should not be reading blog - Class is one of them.
@Laspapi - I desperately hope not, I've been around.
@Ibo dude - Thanks
@Chicala it is the enough effizy section that stuck on me o
@Mommy - You are welcome to my blog
@Allied- Smart gurl you are
@Manda- Raise ke, none yet o
@Ugo Daniels - Trying my best
@Bighead - I gat's to cope one way or another now

bighead said...

I don't blame you o! you are even diplomatic about it; contributing seemingly meaningful stuff. Me, I might drop off to sleep.

OUI C'EST MOI said...

You are quite the character

GERALD said...

greatiee post

Favoured Girl said...

LOL, that was hilarious! I like the way you wrote this, makes me imagine I was in the room at the time and having daydreams of my own. So I'm not the only one that thinks meetings are the most boring part of office life. I absolutely hate them.

Afrobabe said...

LOL...My God, I can just picture you in that meeting....

30+ said...

@Bighead-Sleep abeg no sleep
@C'EST MOI - Oui, je suis
@Gerald - Thanks
@Favoured girl - You are not alone
@Afrobabe - So you can picture my wahala

Zahratique said...

hehe! you totally got away with it! To zone out completely and still be present at a meeting? You have a talent.

Pink-satin said...

lol

Jaybabe said...

30+..don't tell me you havent updated now!

I been gone long and this is what i find? God punish you for me oo! Punish you well well. How can you?

But i missed you still...

30+ said...

@Zahratique,this things happen
@Pink Satin, long time how you dey?
@Jaybabe, shuo me I dodge that kind punishment o. Anyways me and God we tight like that so I am safe

Kafo said...

i wish i dreamed of my professors dressed like that


lol

Aijay said...

Can we get an update pls?! Lol.

princesa said...

UPDATE! I NEED MY FIX!!!

Calabar Gal said...

Naughty Girl! U were lucky u were able to put in the right words when you werent even concentrating on what was being said. LOL!!

9jamommy said...

LOL...I don't believe I just discovered your blog, this is toooo funny. I wish I could snap into meetings like you....all I can say when I'm caught daydreaming is "....em yeah I totally agree with [insert name like Jim, Rick, Paul, etc here] um yeah...", lol

moses said...

I dey gbadun your post ooooooooooo..

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