I have Learnt

I have learnt that just as some are blessed with double D cups, I am blessed with double rounded tummy, food or no food my tummy likes to shine.

I have learnt that I can only do so much dieting and exercise before I revert to my bad eating habit, I blame my upbringing I think I am still traumatised by the number of cane that I had, so I developed eating for comfort (that is my story and I will stick to eat)

I have learnt so far that I may never get the figure of Beyonce and will probably go to hell and back to get Halle Berry’s body.

I have learnt that all those diets are useless because they were not made for an African woman.

I have learnt that no matter how much salad I eat, I still don’t feel like I have eaten until I eat my red stew with orisirisi meat balanced with okele. Carbohydrate my foot, what else is left after rice and okele.

I have learnt that all men are liars, only some lie more than others.

Girlfriends are a breath of fresh air and shoulder to carry you when carefully chosen.

Crazy people are not necessarily the ones who go around naked, the most chronic of them actually wear nice clothes, work and do things like normal people but their 5 mins madness makes up for the 20years o a naked mad woman on the street.

Blogville Idol or wetin call

Hhmn so I was fobbed off from participating on blogville idol, I does not vex in fact i refuse to curse the participants that they will get frog in their throat. That the judges will not be able to connect to the net for one reason or the other, that for the ones who need to go a cafe will not get bus on time. That the winner will have a serious encounter at the barbers or the salon the one that causes one half of the hair to be mistakenly lost.

I repeat humble Joan is not vexed, i shall not rest my oars until i see my name in the lights, my name being the talk of Broadway, I go and I return.

Jasmine S****thing Gr***n Tea

Would you like a cuppa 30+, oh yes please can I have the jasmine s***thing green tea (quickly eyeing the label, to pronounce it well), after all I have to make them believe this very tea is on the shelf in my kitchen.

The secretary passed my tea to me and she looked at me funny I ignored her. Anyways home girl continued talking, I was in my element pitching my report and convincing the boss that those contractors were doing a drab job.

Boss interjected after like 15 minutes of my ranting (i mean reporting) I gingerly picked up my cup to savour this “new brand of tea with shinning green label”, I nod my head in time to pretend like I was hearing the gibberish she was saying and put the cup to my mouth, the next thing you see pwaaaaaaarh I spit all over my boss and the contractor manager.

I am so sorry it’s still quite hot I said in the most professional English I could muster, and I saw my repometer (reputation meter) nose dive big time.

The silly girl taking notes looked at me with a knowing look as per common that tea has been sitting for 15 minutes "there is no way it’s still hot", so I eye her back as per "foolish girl why did you give me tea that taste like omi igbe (shit water!) and you expect me to down it".

Are you alright my boss says, I replied it's okay, hankies were passed so I could wipe the dribble around my mouth and the table, anyway oga continued talking while contract manager smiled sheepishly I am sure I saw a glint in his eye saying "God catch you, shebi you said we are doing a drab job!" And I smiled back sheepishly and replied with my eyes “at least you got stains on your shirt, hope you spend a lot to get it out”