At the Gym

Hi Peeps,

How y'all keeping? Oya for the fact that you are reading this blog and post at this time take a minute to thank God, done.

I have tried to be a good girl by eating my 5 a day and going to the gym at least 2x a week. Although the pounds refuse to shift I am resolved to press on I need to keep fit.

For now, let me chronicle what happened at my gym with a girl/lady I call 'made in nigeria' (you go soon find out).

First meet some of my gym comrades

Size O a.k.a Twiggy

Skinny as they come, the type that some traditional women will argue can not bear children because she does not have child bearing hips or milk giving boobs. I was oberving her leg and the other and remember my brother's nickname in secondary school 'cassava plant'. Just because you are skinny don't mean you should not gym abi, you still need to keep fit but she takes it to another level. She is a permanent fixture at the gym one particular week I went to gym like 4 times (a good week) and my Twiggy was there each time.

I come into gym she is there, I leave like 1 hour or more later and she is still there.

The passion (almost as if posessed) with which she attacks the threadmill and the crosstrainer (her favourites) has led me to believe that "what lies beyond no 6 may be more than 7". I kid you not over the month her gym slacks are now falling off her hips and she rolls it to fit her small deriere.

I wish to go and ask the girl to slow her role but I remember the proverbs that "Soldiers ants are tiny but deadly". I don't want to have to be scraped off the gym floor for not minding my own business.

The Couple

Another set of gym loyalist, they come in to the together all the time and I wonder if they rehearse their steps or it is a coincidence that their walking is always in sync left together right together. Threadmill together adjacent while chatting, they row together, do the steppers together and you can see the scrawl on the guy's face go up a notch, on occassions when gym is full which means no adjacent machines. Funny though despite the seeming togetheress it does not sit well that they are a couple. Infact for a long time I thought she was training him until I saw him hanging outside the ladies changing room so they could enter the gym together. Maybe it's because the guy always has this look on him like a soldier on mission compared to the cool Missus.

There are more

The three jolly Greys: They are definitely over 60's, 2 ladies and 1 guy. I am a sucker for grey hair it evokes this air of Wisdom, Victories, Surviving. I so much Love the way the guy waits for the ladies while they finish up on a machine, I am sure one of the ladies is his wife.

The encourager: Let's just say when I look at her, I tell myself that if she is not discouraged then I should not be.

Recently I saw this newbie who come in and she most def was 'made in Nigeria', how did I know. Well 'We' kind of made that knowing eye contact ('as in you are we know ourselves') and smiled oyinbo smile.

She was on the threadmill while I headed for the rower. When she finished on treadmill she went to weigh herself (well it's common for folks to weigh themselves when they come in and when leaving). Next my homegirl went on cross trainer and after like 15mins hopped off and straight on the scales again (okay o). Before you know it 'made in Nigeria' gets on steppers just as I was leaving the rower, after like 15-20mins, guess what? Yes 'homegirl' goes to weigh herself yet again (by now I am chuckling to myself and thinking, girlfriend please represent now na today). Thankfully she leaves gym room (or so I thought) while I battled on the crosstrainer.

Like 10mins later 'Made in Nigeria' comes back into gym and did something odd, she was sniffing her fingers and I am thinking hmmn she is checking that no traces of no 2 is left under the nails. Well take a while guess on what she did next?! You guessed right the babe promptly went on the scales again to weigh herself. At this point in time I was trying so hard to hold my piss (yes piss) and not burst out laughing weight loss by fire by force.

You see a while back one of my colleague gave me a secret which was "the easiest way to loose 2lbs in 2 mins is to do a dump of no 2" and for maximum weight loss ensure ample no 1(liquid) and no 3(gas) is added. When my thoughts came to the liquid part, I had to abandon xtrainer and make a dash to the white house holding my piss and laughter along the way, it was no easy feat.

Human beings we are so impatient, sure she did not pile the pounds one in one day, why she expects it to go in one day pass me.

Morale of my gist, Rome was not built in a day, like the songwriter said "Lord help me to take one day at a time"

Abeg y'all can go and try the weight loss recipee which I call "dump 1, 2 and 3" free of charge courtesy THIRTY +.

Till Later

Shalom

Back to Reality and other stories

Ma Peeps

Unto the Lord be the glory, great things he has done. Protection, favour are top of the list of the things that baba God has done for me.

NEPA, Okada o, Mosquito o, stinky helmet, crazy driving, unsympathetic sweltering temperature, norrin dey happen I full ground well well, naija was quite okay.
Ok I admit, I did not full ground at all when some soldier guy decided to shoot in the air to scare a few tactless drivers. As in, it's like, you know, just right in front of me, live and direct I saw a gun being fired. *'Tafa o' my liver jumped into my mouth as all the horror stories of misfiring did a fast forward play in my memory and I quickly ducked in my seat to the amusement of my friend who was the one driving.
Friend: "He just fired in the air now, it's meant to scare those guys off"
Me: "Okayyeee o" whilst wondering what happened to the good old tear gas, or banging on a car or simply barking an order.

Thing is it's been quite a long time I heard a gun shot and even much, much, much longer time since I saw a gun fired. Needless to say, I was a bit shaken(just a bit o). Anyway like I said norring dey happen.

I sold most of the items I took with me save some shirts and some bits and bobs. Thank God for that.

It's good visit one's home country as much as possible to witness some of the metamorphosis so one can be in the know. Man mi I open mouth for Oshodi o, kai, Fashola is trying.

Glad I went and came back in one piece, thank you Lord

Other Stories

Spotted
An immigration / customs / Airport official asks for a passengers passport and then proceed to open an american visa page which had expired (how did I know?!, it belonged to my travelling buddy). The officer only looked at the expired visa page o and returned the passport back waving the passenger to proceed. I was going to be cheeky and ask if she notice the lady's visa had expired and other question including what her role is, if she needed glassed but decided to mind my business.

Copyright
This issue of copyright business is not funny, it is sad when a blogger uses their time and creativity to create original material for his/her blog just to have some smarty pant rank xerox it. Worse still there seems to be no way of bring the offender(s) to order. It is sad indeed.
By the way the Anon person or persons that said they will be fapping my 'Him and me post', a permission should be granted before going ahead to use anybodys property (intellectual or otherwise). And please do reference this URL site if and when the article is used.

JENI O, JENI BABY, JENIFFERBBC
I have watched JENIFA like four times now and it's still a rib cracker. However, getting an email from Jennifer was puzzling see below:

Hello Dear,How are you today i hope you are fine. my name is miss jennifer,iam a yung lady i saw your profile today at(www.nairaland.com)and i became intrested in you,i will also like to know you more,I hope you will be the true loving, honest, trutfull,God faring,trustworld,sincere, and caring man,that I have been looking for,And I have something special to tell you about myself, So please reply me now so that I will send you my picture and tell you what i want to tell you about my self.God bless you.Yours sincerely jennifer.

The mail arrived in my inbox complete with email address, jenniferbbc@gmxxx.com.

Pity this *mugun can not *gbori wole for so many reasons and on so many lefus (levels), *mo le ju gbogbo iyen lo

*Tafa o - An exclamation coined by thirty plus, understandable only to her
*Mugun - term for a stupid / greedy victim of fraud.
*gbori wole - swallowing a bait
*mo le ju gbogbo iyen lo - I am too wise to fall for that scam

Till Later

My Naija

Blog Peeps,

God owns all the land and continent for realz, he is the original Alale (land owner). Thank you father for the Godly inheritance that I have in you including landed properties.

Okay to answer all your questions, I am not relocating o, no way hosey! Relocation to Naija is not even on the radar at the moment.

I know folks say that "there is no place like home", but there is another saying that "home is where the heart is". For now my heart is in the town where I get fresh drinking water from the tap, freezing cold unpredictable weather, walking by the river side close to my house to reflect, lovely hills and scenery, the laid back enviroment, the friendships I have built.

You get the gist, my heart is not in Nigeria except for the occassional holiday. Not even the persuasive words and posts of my friend Postcard from Lagos can persuade me otherwise.

Meanwhile I am totally enjoying PH and was very impressed by some of the improvements in Gidi. I mean it only took like one and half hours for us to drive from VGC to Ikeja during rush hour was expecting it to be 3 hours. Yet to get on the BRT sha, will try to do that before I return, as for Okadas, mum is the word...

Darkelcee I no fit reach you o ringing no reply.

Till Later, love you yanfu yanfu

Long and Short of it

Hello Peeps,

How una dey. Praise God from whom all blessings come.

Kajiko 2009 would be an interesting year, that much I know.

The long of it is that I am hot like faya, suddenly folks in the non cyber world see me as the encyclopedia to all their questions. Ok may be that is a bit of exagerration sha but it does feel as if I am very much in demand.

The short of it is I am not being in demand on the babe level o, just for my brain and minimal IT skills. I have given up explaining that I am not an IT person....kpom.
Anyhoos it would be nice to be in demand on the babe level sha.....squash that don't need the drama of babe demand just a supply of a cool headed, God fearing, brown sugar of man with no games because I have also kissed date goodbye.

I wonder why :- On new year day, Mz 30+ had two separate discussions which were exactly the same on relationships. I wonder what that was all about considering I am the last person to put nose inside other people's relation and to make matters more eerie it was on new year day. Imagine starting the new year discussing other people's relationship...abeg o let it not be sign of things to come, I am so not Dear Agony Aunt.

Small Gist : - Another New year surprise, one of my peeps was sorely vexed when a friend sprung the marriage surprise on him on New year day. According to him, they use to discuss their singleness and all that matter together. Next thing you know dude is leaving him behind to go and marry worse still it's not it was impromptu wedding 'cos of the long counselling and protocol the guy must have gone through. Felt sorry for the guy, I thought it was only we girls that did that kind of thing. But peeps mi at the same time I don't blame the dude who kept his business close to heart, he must have good reasons...maybe he has seen AIYE before a.k.a Winches, Fiends because come to think of it he (the one getting married) loves to pray the fall down and die prayer a lot...nuff said.

I am packing my boxes, this Ajala girl is going to Gidi, do I hear an Amen. Yes o ma peeps before you blink your eye I don reach that side of the equator only took me like 5 months to get my act together abi, I should have gone since summer blogger reunion but kno. Anyway OUR TIMES ARE IN GOD's HANDS.

Till Later

Year 2009

Happy New Year Ma Peeps,

Ikira(Adulation)x9 for Baba God who has caused us to partake of this New Year.

Father I bless you from the isale patapata(the very bottom) of my heart.

To all my fellow bloggers, the readers, the perusers HAPPY 2009 to you all.

In the manner of counting, especially for the human race, the number 9 is significant, moreso for the expectant mother. It represents the completion of gestation and month of Delivery for a new offspring to be born.

An expectant mother is picky about what she eats, where she goes, and what she does. An expectant mother is Nesty i.e. making her surrounding, clean and homely.

This year folks watch what you say, eat, do and the kind of folks you hang out with. Take time making your spirit, soul and body homely for your maker

Remember delivery is often accompanied by birth pangs and discomfort, this is soon forgotten once delivery occurs.

This New Year you will take Delivery, Deliver and be Delivered.



Image - Copyright google images

HIM and me

Hello Peeps

God is a speaking spirit, he is a good God

So there I was speaking with him in my heart and it went something like this

'I can’t'

'Yes you can'

'You don’t understand'

'Yes I do'

'You have never lived in flesh'

'Yes I have'

'Aaagggrrrrr it is easy for you to say'

'You really think so'

'I am going to scream now'

'Go ahead I made your mouth for such a time'

'Ok can I just swear so I feel better'?

'Like you have not done that in your heart already'

'Oh ....'

'Go on I hear your unspoken words loud and clear'

'Mehn it’s like I am naked and totally bare before you'

'Like Adam and Eve Naked'

'Exactly, can I just go and hide for a minute to sort myself'

'Go ahead but you do know I am everywhere'

'Oh for the love of God'

'G O D, that’s the name you call me'

*Sighs heavily*, 'I surrender mehn'

'That is the spirit'

*Sulking*, 'I love you big'

'Can’t get enough of you either'

'Goodnight Sir'

'Sweet dreams child'

In the morning he poured some snow flakes on the road as petals for my feet

Till later

Have a Lovely Christmas

Didn't get the memo, still I believe

Hi

When time ceases to exist, when darkness looms glaringly, when void fills the vacumn, there is a Presence that is ever present, He is GOD (Gen 1:2).

Whether or not He is acknowledged is a matter of individual choice.

Today, GOD, I acknowledge you. I acknowledge you as my father, my master, my friend, my mentor, you Oh Lord are the lover of my soul.

I did not get the memo about 1st of December and then when I did, suke blogger would not allow me sign in to post. Better late than never ehn, so here goes.

• I believe in God because I met him not amongst a grand gathering or from the preaching of an eloquent preacher. I met God from the pages of the scripture, the book of John to be precise. Was given a New Testament Gideon's bible by an Uncle and he asked me to read the book of John. Being an avid reader I started on it when there was no pacessetter to read was and gripped. Especially when it got to what I called the climax, John 15. So gripped was I that I stayed back after school to finish reading. Was trying hard to understand why this hero who was about to die was so bothered about his friends, the one he also called brethren. A friend who had noticed the fact that I was reading a bible asked if I had become a christian and I replied no. She later asked to share with me and ask if I wanted to become one and I said yes (it was free so no harm, I thought). That was the begining of the journey.
• I believe in God because I was a withdrawn shy girl who had low self esteem especially because of my small frame and comical characteristics. From discovering God, I realise he never makes mistakes, my petite nature gives me a USP. He created me as such so that folks can not but remember me. I realise that a merry heart is like a good medicine and the comical character was meant for mine and others heart merriment. Today I am no longer the same.

I believe in God because there have been several occassions when I have prayed for specific things and got specific results attributable to the prayer I prayed. A few instances

1. I was in Class 3 and lost one of my gold stud ear rings, they were real gold and I had already lost quite a few. I remember mama 30+ strictly warning if you loose this earring I will let you know that God has no tribal marks. I searched the whole classroom, dining room, no show. I covered up but day 2 mama 30+ asked and I said it is hidden somewhere. School closed and dread came on me, I prayed as I have never done in my life while wondering if God was actually interested in that kind of prayer afterall it was because of my carelessness and being too playful. I stood outside the school gates dejectedly exhausted from praying and crying, suddenly felt impressed to look ahead of me and believe it or not there was tiny glistening in the sand I approached it and it was my tiny stud ear ring. I can never forget that feeling I nearly went crazy with joy. A small stud ear ring found outside a school gate the ground was not tarred mind you, it was covered in light brown sand. I know ear ring is meaningless but as far as I was concerned on that particular date it was a matter of life and death, you need to know mama 30+ to know what I am talking about.
2. Once my brother laid on the bed writhing in pain, clutching his stomach with no Mum or Dad around and no mobile phone technology to call anyone. I laid hands on him and prayed in the name of Jesus as I have read in the bible for the pain to disappear (I was probably 14 or 15yrs old). He slept within minutes and woke up perfectly well.
3. When things were tough in the UK, I had been asking God whether or not to go back to Nigeria and finally on this fateful day walking down the street decided to start packing as soon as I got home. I heard audibly and softly this words "it is I who works in you both to will and do of my good pleasure". I turned to see who spoke but there was no one behind me on that street. That settled it, I stayed, today I have no regrets.

I believe in God because I have never lacked comfort even though it may not be the comfort I asked at that particular time, comfort always come. A word from the bible, a phonecall, a remark, a scenery, a song, a post, a chirping bird, the sunrise, Banff Hills, my family, fresh air, food on my table, a good cry in his presence e.t.c.

One thing I know is that, He is ever present whenever I need him most.....then again I have made a choice to acknowledge him.

Do you acknowledge him?